I know that everyone who’s ever been on diet knows this, but I guess I’ll just feel better saying it again. Dieting sucks ass. I love to eat. Everyone loves to eat. And I know I can learn to enjoy making healthier choices, but right now it blows. I guess because it’s my second day.
I did the military tape. I’m not too sore surprisingly. It’s a really good tape and I kind of enjoy working out with it. What I plan on doing is incorporating both the military tape and tae bo into my schedule. Today I will most likely go to happy hour and then come home to do the tae bo since that is less time. Now I know that having a drink and then going home seems ass backwards but hey, if u want ur drinks cheap u gotta go before 7. it’s not like I’m gunna get smashed.
Even on vacation I didn’t get ridiculously smashed except for one day. Since then it’s been beer, but I find it so filling I just can’t keep doing it. If anything I’ll have liquor. Yesterday I had one drink and went home. Went to have a glass of wine but passed out mid glass. I’m beginning to be such a granny. I’m trying to be good with it. I know I don’t do well with liquor so I only have 2 at the most. I actually find getting a slight buzz a lot more fun than getting crazy. I don’t think my body can really handle that. I shouldn’t be consuming too much of it anyways with this diet crap and all.
You know what I had today so far? I had peaches and cream oatmeal and a big mug of decaf tea. Yeah, I’m still cutting back on that too. I was doing well with it until I went away. Then every morning I had coffee with my mom so I kind of screwed myself. The first day I got back to work my head was killing me. I know that it was also due to change in weather and what not but it was splitting. And it was my new start in cutting back so I guess my body was going into a shock of some sort. They have subsided, but I gotta say… decaf tea isn’t really that tasty. I mean it resembles tea, but more watery. Ugh. at least the oatmeal was good. But my body is use to me shoving a bagel in it for breakfast, which everyone should know is a big no no. A bagel equals to four slices of bread and adding cream cheese instead of butter is even worse. So right now I’m starving. I want a whopper real bad. But I can’t. I’ve been so good with that. Ok I lied I had one in Florida. But just one. So I can’t get into the habit. God I love them whoppers.
My co worker Ryan always manages to find a way to say that being plump is cute. I told him I was back to getting in shape cuz I stuffed myself while I was away and he was like “Its ok you got a little turtle shell. Fat is back, you don’t wanna look hungry.” Which is absolutely true. But I don’t want a turtle shell either lol. While I enjoy turtles and the shells they have, I don’t really think it’s cute of me to have one. But it was a cute way to put it.
I am now going to list my guilty pleasures. Cheese, whoppers, pickles, and Bon Jovi.
I’m gunna play the lotto and if I win…I’m going to eat a whopper with cheese along with my favorite pickles, which I’ll buy at Waldbaums, while listening to Bon Jovi.WISH ME LUCK
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.
Holy moly! It’s been way too long huh? I’m slackin the in update department. My apologies.
So I went on vacation to see the fam. I had a really good time. But I was extremely busy so I was pretty beat towards the end of my stay. Rayna woke us up every morning and I got kisses and I love yous like whoa. God I miss that girl. She’s gotten so big its scary. She tells you what she wants or doesn’t want. She’s just a ball of energy. And yet I remember rocking her to sleep when she was a little blob of mush. I can see it so clearly. How time flies…
My dad came by for a day. It was nice to have everyone together for a bit. It’s so weird how your mood can completely change by someone else just being around. I think we were all happy to have some time. It was really nice. We took the four hour drive over to Boca to see Richey, Lauren, and their baby. He’s getting so big too. We went out for dinner and when we went for drinks I could hardly keep my eyes open. I crashed early. We saw Lisa and Victoria. Victoria is now 17. I hate it. Don’t you just hate when you have those moments where you say to yourself “Ahhhh….to be 17 again. God I remember.” UGH. A BIG BOWL OF UGH THAT IS. I’m getting older and I’m slowly starting to see it for what it is. No, I haven’t accepted it yet. But it seems like soon I wont have the choice lol. it’s getting scarier by the day. You just don’t every imagine yourself getting older u know? and then you play catch up on people you haven’t seen in years and then it hits you like a Mac truck. It’s like BAM! You’re past that hunny, there’s no going backwards. Onlyyy forwards. God that blows. Then you remind yourself that your hips are widening so u can’t eat whoppers anymore. You can’t drink a lot of beer cuz you get bloated and the most wicked heartburn ever. It’s like…shoot me now.
So besides my extreme denial in the aging process, nothing else is new. Gunna start working out again today. Only I’m using this basic training military tape from 1991. sweet. It’s gunna hurt but I need to do it. I ate so much crap while I was away I can just feel my stomach expansion. The tape is an hour long. So I’m thinking I will do that 3 times a week. With the other tape it was only a half hour so I did it more often. I’m gunna switch it up I think as well. Lord please keep me focused yet again so I can look good. Thanks. Ur my bitch. Gotta go, gotta do a little thing called work. byeee
So I went on vacation to see the fam. I had a really good time. But I was extremely busy so I was pretty beat towards the end of my stay. Rayna woke us up every morning and I got kisses and I love yous like whoa. God I miss that girl. She’s gotten so big its scary. She tells you what she wants or doesn’t want. She’s just a ball of energy. And yet I remember rocking her to sleep when she was a little blob of mush. I can see it so clearly. How time flies…
My dad came by for a day. It was nice to have everyone together for a bit. It’s so weird how your mood can completely change by someone else just being around. I think we were all happy to have some time. It was really nice. We took the four hour drive over to Boca to see Richey, Lauren, and their baby. He’s getting so big too. We went out for dinner and when we went for drinks I could hardly keep my eyes open. I crashed early. We saw Lisa and Victoria. Victoria is now 17. I hate it. Don’t you just hate when you have those moments where you say to yourself “Ahhhh….to be 17 again. God I remember.” UGH. A BIG BOWL OF UGH THAT IS. I’m getting older and I’m slowly starting to see it for what it is. No, I haven’t accepted it yet. But it seems like soon I wont have the choice lol. it’s getting scarier by the day. You just don’t every imagine yourself getting older u know? and then you play catch up on people you haven’t seen in years and then it hits you like a Mac truck. It’s like BAM! You’re past that hunny, there’s no going backwards. Onlyyy forwards. God that blows. Then you remind yourself that your hips are widening so u can’t eat whoppers anymore. You can’t drink a lot of beer cuz you get bloated and the most wicked heartburn ever. It’s like…shoot me now.
So besides my extreme denial in the aging process, nothing else is new. Gunna start working out again today. Only I’m using this basic training military tape from 1991. sweet. It’s gunna hurt but I need to do it. I ate so much crap while I was away I can just feel my stomach expansion. The tape is an hour long. So I’m thinking I will do that 3 times a week. With the other tape it was only a half hour so I did it more often. I’m gunna switch it up I think as well. Lord please keep me focused yet again so I can look good. Thanks. Ur my bitch. Gotta go, gotta do a little thing called work. byeee
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
They say turtles taste good...but i'd never try!
The backlash: Part 1
So Sunday I got a voicemail from Amy. It’s one of those “Don’t contact me ever again” messages. I’m guessing she knows I spoke with him through the rough patch.
Now what he said however, I will never know. But from what I’ve gathered from the Monday email, it’s all on me. But I should have expected him to throw me under the bus to save his ass. If he wants to stay with someone he doesn’t like then god speed. But I ended things as mature as possible. And then I find out that he’s the one telling everyone what happened at a block party. Like it’s a big scoop. I’m such a foolish girl. Cuz I remember him blabbin about Amy telling everyone. For someone as old as he is, you would think he would be a man and take some responsibility.
I could have started a war when I replied to the email. But I didn’t. I’m fed up with the BS ya know? It’s not like I didn’t tell Brian all of that already. So I don’t feel threatened. He talked a lot of smack about Amy that would surely put him in the gutter if she wasn’t so on cloud nine with him. Cuz I know if I said anything she wouldn’t believe it. Mitch wouldn’t say those things, you know.
But yeah, I replied asking why she told me not to contact her yet she’s the one emailing me. I apologized and said that I was confused and that’s why I distanced myself. That Mitch knew I did that. And that the feelings were mutual unless he told her otherwise. I stopped all contact and I hope if they are going to work things out that they go well and goodbye.
It’s not worth it because there are three sides to every story. He said, She said, and the truth which always seems to be a grey area. People are going to think whatever they want. The only thing I can do is be real with it. If I stay the better person and go on with my life not blabbing to the world about it then I’m sure people will know what kind of person I am from that.
Things have gotten a lot better lately. We are expressing ourselves more. He’s been stepping up in all areas. What’s kind of nice is that he’s been coming to bed with me the last couple nights. Usually, he’d stay up playing video games and I would wake him up at 3 to come to bed. Maybe he realized how tired he would be from that. I’m not really sure. But it’s just nice to hear him say “I’m tired I’m coming to bed too.” Even if he doesn’t go to bed right away it’s nothing like it was. I wake up and he’s next to me. Pretty cool.
I miss my niece.
So Sunday I got a voicemail from Amy. It’s one of those “Don’t contact me ever again” messages. I’m guessing she knows I spoke with him through the rough patch.
Now what he said however, I will never know. But from what I’ve gathered from the Monday email, it’s all on me. But I should have expected him to throw me under the bus to save his ass. If he wants to stay with someone he doesn’t like then god speed. But I ended things as mature as possible. And then I find out that he’s the one telling everyone what happened at a block party. Like it’s a big scoop. I’m such a foolish girl. Cuz I remember him blabbin about Amy telling everyone. For someone as old as he is, you would think he would be a man and take some responsibility.
I could have started a war when I replied to the email. But I didn’t. I’m fed up with the BS ya know? It’s not like I didn’t tell Brian all of that already. So I don’t feel threatened. He talked a lot of smack about Amy that would surely put him in the gutter if she wasn’t so on cloud nine with him. Cuz I know if I said anything she wouldn’t believe it. Mitch wouldn’t say those things, you know.
But yeah, I replied asking why she told me not to contact her yet she’s the one emailing me. I apologized and said that I was confused and that’s why I distanced myself. That Mitch knew I did that. And that the feelings were mutual unless he told her otherwise. I stopped all contact and I hope if they are going to work things out that they go well and goodbye.
It’s not worth it because there are three sides to every story. He said, She said, and the truth which always seems to be a grey area. People are going to think whatever they want. The only thing I can do is be real with it. If I stay the better person and go on with my life not blabbing to the world about it then I’m sure people will know what kind of person I am from that.
Things have gotten a lot better lately. We are expressing ourselves more. He’s been stepping up in all areas. What’s kind of nice is that he’s been coming to bed with me the last couple nights. Usually, he’d stay up playing video games and I would wake him up at 3 to come to bed. Maybe he realized how tired he would be from that. I’m not really sure. But it’s just nice to hear him say “I’m tired I’m coming to bed too.” Even if he doesn’t go to bed right away it’s nothing like it was. I wake up and he’s next to me. Pretty cool.
I miss my niece.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Thank you may i please have another?
I’ve been pretty irritated these last couple days. I feel like I’m not allowed to write anything here anymore. And that shouldn’t be.
Have you ever just been so sad and disappointed? I feel counted out and pushed to the side. I have all this free time, and no friends to share it with. Everyone’s movin on, they got their own lives to live. I should be ok with it I guess. But I’m not. And I feel like asking for more time would be annoying. And I don’t want to annoy anyone. So I guess doing nothing is ok.
I feel cheated yet again. I don’t know what others are saying about me. Well, I know some…and I’ll just leave it at that. And that makes it worse.
But I press on u know. I make the effort to try to connect. Maybe everyone needs the space I’ve got. Perhaps letting things settle will help. I’m not sure.
Is it because I didn’t express that I appreciate you? Because I do, I appreciate everything you have done and do for me. I still love you more than all the designer handbags in the world. And that’s a lot of handbags. U guys know I would die for one. So that shows a lot lol.
And I know the opinions. And I accept them. Nothing has changed in my eyes. And I hope that it hasn’t in yours. I hope and pray. I feel like a little bit is lost. I just wish this could work. I feel like I could explain why I’m still where I am a hundred times and no one will understand it. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t have to explain. Maybe acceptance is all I want. No, I want acceptance with no change in personality. And maybe that’s just too much to beg for right now. But know that I miss it. And know that I won’t stop trying to make u smile. And maybe in time I won’t have to try so hard anymore.
Have you ever just been so sad and disappointed? I feel counted out and pushed to the side. I have all this free time, and no friends to share it with. Everyone’s movin on, they got their own lives to live. I should be ok with it I guess. But I’m not. And I feel like asking for more time would be annoying. And I don’t want to annoy anyone. So I guess doing nothing is ok.
I feel cheated yet again. I don’t know what others are saying about me. Well, I know some…and I’ll just leave it at that. And that makes it worse.
But I press on u know. I make the effort to try to connect. Maybe everyone needs the space I’ve got. Perhaps letting things settle will help. I’m not sure.
Is it because I didn’t express that I appreciate you? Because I do, I appreciate everything you have done and do for me. I still love you more than all the designer handbags in the world. And that’s a lot of handbags. U guys know I would die for one. So that shows a lot lol.
And I know the opinions. And I accept them. Nothing has changed in my eyes. And I hope that it hasn’t in yours. I hope and pray. I feel like a little bit is lost. I just wish this could work. I feel like I could explain why I’m still where I am a hundred times and no one will understand it. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t have to explain. Maybe acceptance is all I want. No, I want acceptance with no change in personality. And maybe that’s just too much to beg for right now. But know that I miss it. And know that I won’t stop trying to make u smile. And maybe in time I won’t have to try so hard anymore.
If you like pina coladasss
Hi all! What a nice day! It’s gunna be hot for the next seven days. I’m excited. Fo sho.
So…can I say “I told you so” now? Your probably wondering why so I will explain.
I’m not a fan of standing under train stations and I get very bajiggity when I cross a bridge. I’ve always said to my friends and fam that I don’t trust them things for beans and that one day they’re all gunna collapse. So yeah….told ya so. Maybe if I had made a public announcement about my thesis on the matter maybe it would have done something. Probably not. People would watch it and be like “Is this girl hitting the meth?”
Only in my dreams babies, only in my dreams
“We’ll have a least one good year of people inspecting the bridges after this happened.” AMEN. But you know what? They should have done that all along. I fucking knew it man. Some bridges have so much rust its impossible not to wonder why it hasn’t collapsed. Seriously.
You know what I realized? In November it will almost be a year without contact with Courtney. Wow man. That went by fast. But I gotta say, it’s more of a good thing to me. She’s not around to irritate me with her irrational behavior. I remember her frustrating me with her drama. The guys…god she picked ass wads. I mean, I’m going out with an ass wad. But my god…all the different ones she had were all ass wads. The girl just wanted to be loved. Ehhh…it’s a gray area.
And October will be a year that Charlsie is gone. I still miss that crazy lady. I really do. She was one firecracker man. Speaking of that, Alex will be returning from Buffalo and going back to school in December. I think he just needed to get away from all of the crap that surrounded him at the time. He needed to mourn and move on with life. I think it’s a good idea to just pick up and start a new life for a while. Now he’ll be back to not working lol. If only we all could do that. Lucky bastard. I think it’s good for Brian too. He missed him a lot. I think we all did. I know Alex said he really missed being here so it should be nice. He was kind of the glue that held us together. He’s the one to motivate us to go out weather it be to queens or just anywhere in general. We’ve deffinately been home a lot more since he’s been gone. I believe they are going to start some kind of musical project when he comes back. So that should be nice.
Boy am I irritated. There’s always something ya know? It’s all good. I have a new method of dealing with this. I’m just gunna take a deep breath. Because I know what’s what. And if I know it, then nothing can touch me. Nobody can shake me. And I’m finding that’s a good way to be. Everyone should try it this way. Cuz I’m not even angry. I feel like I’m getting smarter about life by the minute. It’s pretty cool.
My boss is tardy today. Boo.
So…can I say “I told you so” now? Your probably wondering why so I will explain.
I’m not a fan of standing under train stations and I get very bajiggity when I cross a bridge. I’ve always said to my friends and fam that I don’t trust them things for beans and that one day they’re all gunna collapse. So yeah….told ya so. Maybe if I had made a public announcement about my thesis on the matter maybe it would have done something. Probably not. People would watch it and be like “Is this girl hitting the meth?”
Only in my dreams babies, only in my dreams
“We’ll have a least one good year of people inspecting the bridges after this happened.” AMEN. But you know what? They should have done that all along. I fucking knew it man. Some bridges have so much rust its impossible not to wonder why it hasn’t collapsed. Seriously.
You know what I realized? In November it will almost be a year without contact with Courtney. Wow man. That went by fast. But I gotta say, it’s more of a good thing to me. She’s not around to irritate me with her irrational behavior. I remember her frustrating me with her drama. The guys…god she picked ass wads. I mean, I’m going out with an ass wad. But my god…all the different ones she had were all ass wads. The girl just wanted to be loved. Ehhh…it’s a gray area.
And October will be a year that Charlsie is gone. I still miss that crazy lady. I really do. She was one firecracker man. Speaking of that, Alex will be returning from Buffalo and going back to school in December. I think he just needed to get away from all of the crap that surrounded him at the time. He needed to mourn and move on with life. I think it’s a good idea to just pick up and start a new life for a while. Now he’ll be back to not working lol. If only we all could do that. Lucky bastard. I think it’s good for Brian too. He missed him a lot. I think we all did. I know Alex said he really missed being here so it should be nice. He was kind of the glue that held us together. He’s the one to motivate us to go out weather it be to queens or just anywhere in general. We’ve deffinately been home a lot more since he’s been gone. I believe they are going to start some kind of musical project when he comes back. So that should be nice.
Boy am I irritated. There’s always something ya know? It’s all good. I have a new method of dealing with this. I’m just gunna take a deep breath. Because I know what’s what. And if I know it, then nothing can touch me. Nobody can shake me. And I’m finding that’s a good way to be. Everyone should try it this way. Cuz I’m not even angry. I feel like I’m getting smarter about life by the minute. It’s pretty cool.
My boss is tardy today. Boo.
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