Ok it's been awhile so i need to update. i'll condense:
My Great uncle passed last saturday from kidney failure. He also had pancreatic cancer. So my mom and Nana are in Fl packing up some things. I have bouts of depression but not too bad. or at least right now. But last week i wasn't well at all. It had been the one year anniversary of my friends passing on Friday, so when i got the call the next day i wasn't exactly about to throw a party. I didn't realize how bad it had affected me until i saw who i was taking it out on. I had a mini breakdown and since then i've been relatively sane and feeling upbeat. I've just been trying to think of positive stuff and trying to put them at ease. Otherwise theres nothing much that i can say or do.
My car had also gone to the crapper that week so it didn't really help my mood. Needed brakes and the window needed fixing. Now thats all taken care of so we're good to go.
As for me, it depends on the day. Today i'm all right. Nothing really exciting going on. like i've said before, my life is full of melbaliciousness. I guess thats why i get frustrated. I'm always looking for something to change it somehow. Some kind of progression. And i'm not a patient person by any means. I'm a New Yorker, The state where everyone's bat shit crazy and always in a hurry wether it comes to work or getting your nails done. NOTHING is done fast enough for any of us. And we get cranky and rude because of it. New Yorker = Prince/Princess. Thats the way it is. We're a big bunch of brats, especially when we don't get our way. So i guess thats what the deal is with me. I want everything and i want it all right now. And i know it's impossible but i don't care. As much as i say "Ok, one step at a time" Theres the flip side where i don't want to wait or make the effort in the progression process and i get bitchy. Then it subsides and i realize it's tough shit on my part and i need to get over myself. Like a little child. Pathetic i know. But....I bet i'm not alone.
So i have to focus on the here and now. And that consists of work, cook, eat, clean, sleep, repeat. The baby steps include the car working and a bonus check.
That bonus check btw, will be going to shopping. I know that i should put it towards other things, but you know what? the man can take a look at the bird i'm flippin cuz i don't give a rats ass. I use to shop all the time and being that the man likes to take me down i havent really been doing much of that lately. So it's time to get somethings i need. It's become chilly here and i need more long sleeved tops and a pair or two of pants. Plus, shopping makes me happy lol.
So i made up a new word. i gotta say, i am so flippin good at it that i should just start making T shirts and sell them. I could become a millionaire. Righttt. Anyways, when describing something thats a shock or surpise...i am now going to say "Thats so Fetti" Yes, as in confetti. You know, it's like WEEEE what a surpise! And the surprise could either be a good one or shocking, but either way it's like someone took a fist full of confetti and threw it in ur face. Pretty awesome right?
My god ness, you are so fetti. Fuck urban dicitonary! IAM URBAN DICTIONARY
Friday, October 26, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
We're just ordinary people, you and me. Time will turn us into statues eventually.
Hey hey all! So right now at work it's pretty slow. And i know i say this when it's boring, but i wish it would pick up a little bit. It's going by at a constant pace but theres free space in between where i have no clue as to what to do with myself. it blows.
I really wanna move. i want to start the next chapter of my life. I'm almost 24. My personal clock is ticking. i wanted to at least be married by 25 so i can start squeezing out some kids. So lets get a move on k? thanks.
We have already begun making plans on moving down to Florida within the next year. We have been checking out condos online and jobs. We would like to live somewhere around the west palm beach area. The towns surrounding it have cheap prices and we would be close to his friend Richie and his wife. It's not that i don't want to be near the fam. I do, but not too close u know? space is good.
What i find strange is how things fall into place sometimes. My great uncle is not well right now. It pretty much looks as though he has prostate cancer. We aren't really sure if it spread to his kidneys but it most likely has. He's going on dialysis before they start treating the cancer because the kidneys are failing. So once that starts i suppose they can look more closely to see. But either way it isn't good at all. And thats sad. He's the only relative my grandma has left and he is her older brother. I know she's not doing well but she covers it up real good. My mom is ok i guess. She is how she usually is when something like this happens, just riding the wave. But i know it bothers her. They would visit him and go out to dinner. I know she's relatively close. But she's in touch with reality, she knows the outcome will either way be bad.
Whats odd to me is that this is happening right, and we are thinking about moving down in the area he's at. My mom said to me yesterday "Now i'm not wishing anything upon him, but if he goes he's paid off his mobile home. All he pays for is the land it sits on and maintenance. That would be a good start for you guys." And yeah i mean it would. But i'm his great neice and thats not even my place to say to ask. So we are just gunna have to wait this out and see. She said she thinks that she might be in the will because he had mentioned something to her about it. Who knows whats going to happen though. I know with my luck, someone else will take it. But if the cards fall nicely then i guess that would be cool. But what would really be cool would be that he gets well. I've already lost someone so dear to me from cancer and i don't want to go through that again. it's a miserable time. And even though i'm not close with him i know him well enough to be bothered. I hope they can add some time. i really do. It's scary.
Otherwise, there's nothing else too crazy going on in my life. There never really is these days. Just life. Sleep, work, eat, repeat. Pretty melba. In the dictionary under melba toast they should put Vanessa's life. That would be sweet.
I really wanna move. i want to start the next chapter of my life. I'm almost 24. My personal clock is ticking. i wanted to at least be married by 25 so i can start squeezing out some kids. So lets get a move on k? thanks.
We have already begun making plans on moving down to Florida within the next year. We have been checking out condos online and jobs. We would like to live somewhere around the west palm beach area. The towns surrounding it have cheap prices and we would be close to his friend Richie and his wife. It's not that i don't want to be near the fam. I do, but not too close u know? space is good.
What i find strange is how things fall into place sometimes. My great uncle is not well right now. It pretty much looks as though he has prostate cancer. We aren't really sure if it spread to his kidneys but it most likely has. He's going on dialysis before they start treating the cancer because the kidneys are failing. So once that starts i suppose they can look more closely to see. But either way it isn't good at all. And thats sad. He's the only relative my grandma has left and he is her older brother. I know she's not doing well but she covers it up real good. My mom is ok i guess. She is how she usually is when something like this happens, just riding the wave. But i know it bothers her. They would visit him and go out to dinner. I know she's relatively close. But she's in touch with reality, she knows the outcome will either way be bad.
Whats odd to me is that this is happening right, and we are thinking about moving down in the area he's at. My mom said to me yesterday "Now i'm not wishing anything upon him, but if he goes he's paid off his mobile home. All he pays for is the land it sits on and maintenance. That would be a good start for you guys." And yeah i mean it would. But i'm his great neice and thats not even my place to say to ask. So we are just gunna have to wait this out and see. She said she thinks that she might be in the will because he had mentioned something to her about it. Who knows whats going to happen though. I know with my luck, someone else will take it. But if the cards fall nicely then i guess that would be cool. But what would really be cool would be that he gets well. I've already lost someone so dear to me from cancer and i don't want to go through that again. it's a miserable time. And even though i'm not close with him i know him well enough to be bothered. I hope they can add some time. i really do. It's scary.
Otherwise, there's nothing else too crazy going on in my life. There never really is these days. Just life. Sleep, work, eat, repeat. Pretty melba. In the dictionary under melba toast they should put Vanessa's life. That would be sweet.
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