Superman that ho

Sooooooo i've got a few things to randomly spew. lets do this:

ONE....im really not feeling this whole getting old thing. Do u know i had to explain to this 22 year old guy who the Jerky Boys are? THE JERKY BOYS????? please tell me that i just happened to stumble upon a loser rather than someone too young to know. Cuz i just wont accept any other answer. Besides that my bff at work is 22 so im always hearin about her sorority or guys, or her friend's guys, or basically anything random shed like to share with me. And its not that i dont mind....but basically i really feel like im on this different page then everyone else lately.

all of my friends either have kids or are far away from me. So im pretty much friendless. So its like the little that i have im just like.....ok...kinda been there already. giving words of widsom and what not. i text my sister constantly bc shes the only one i can frikken relate to that actually gives a crap....that i actually laugh with even though shes across the country. now friggin explain that.

Bran's got his band member bff. they are so far eachother's asses i could hurl right now. But maybe im just jealous i know. i vented to my coworker once and she was like "geez u need some friends come hang with me" and im like "uh yeah i know that, i have friends i just cant hang out with them...they all moved. And no thanks....im not into the whole dressing up clubbin thing." im not. why the hell am i gunna get all dolled up for? to go sip wine and dance? i mean i would but its just not my thing. i like hanging out in a t shirt and underwear for gods sake. i just....really dont fit in. i wish my bf moved back. i tell her all the time. cuz thats where id be. im just...super lonely and a lil extra emotional right now. could be the gremlin too. yeah def is. im sure that by now this seems pathetic....but whatever. its not. its life. so suck it.

Friday i'll be walking eisenhower park. it's the lymphoma walk. already registered and we will be there with leslie. She has a scan next week...and i pray nothing comes up. She looks good, she feels good. Shes been going through the treatments. im positive that this will be ok. But ifu could set some time aside and add an extra prayer for her that would be great.

So besides the no carb-no beer during the week i have quit smoking the herb as well!!!
i know right??? im excited about it. this will be the third day and im fine. super fine. i mean i miss it sure. it relaxes me at the end of the day. BUT i dont get the munchies, so its workin out great. plus its more money in our pockets. So im doing really well. its kinds odd to say this but....ive never been this sober and im still not totally sober yanno? idk. im excited about it. it makes me feel good knowing that i have self control. bc at times i know that i can be easily addicted to anything u put infront of me. thats scary to admit but its 100 percent tru.

ok yeah so thats it for right now. making progress y'all. ill update soon! kisses :)

Everyday is a winding road. I get a little bit closer to feelin fine.

Well hello hello. been a while. Its not that i don't have anything to report. but i use the computer all day and by the time i get home i dont wanna go near it. i usually dont go on on weekends either. Its always good to take a break and enjoy life a little bit.

Work is ok. i will hopefully be moving up after my supervisor goes on maternity leave into the property damage unit as an adjuster. SUPER excited about it. Honestly i bust my ass. And i think its great that the higher ups recognize it. I'm looking forward to learning more. Plus i wont have to be on the phones all day long talking to morons. ill be talking to people but certainly not as much as i do now. I cannot wait :)

Bri hurt his foot on the job and was out for two weeks. just went back to the doc today and he recommended pt for the tendon that he tore in the back. Nothings broken thank goodness. And bri couldnt wait to get back to work. i swear, he is the antsiest man alive. he wanted to go back to work after the first week. It was a nightmare to get him to sit down and keep off that thing. Sheesh.

Besides that nothing else really. First day of cutting the carbs. I've really been bad. But after day one im not feelin bad at all. i dont miss it too much right now. i missed it in the morning, but we got so busy that it was off my mind for a lil bit. doin good man doin good. And u know what else?! im cutting out the booze too. im not going out on wednesdays anymore. And ive decided that if i go out on the weekend ill have wine. I'm excited about it. this has been the second week i havent gone out on a wednesday. i dont really miss it. i mean it was bad on irish day....but hopefully i can have a free pass on that :p

alright im goin. c ya later gater

Always on this rollercoaster, if u want me why can't you get closer...

I'm an idiot. i do so well and then i just fall off. WTF?
Erin.....that damn temptress. I both love and hate u. why do u have to text me and tell me to pick u up because u wanna "hook up"? Why must i be such an ass and actually agree.

WTF. its like i get hammered and im instaslut. instabislut rather. i mean.....its ok i guess. Most of the time i dont even remember what happened. But i do remember when i wake up the next day and then i feel like a dirty whore skank. feeling awkward and regretful. And to think i was doing super well....fuckin fuck

And now shes got one of my favorite pairs of sweats and my 20 dollars i lent her.
Shes called and left messages. And im like "you think it would be dick if i just didnt call? screw it i have plenty of sweats and money....eeehhhh."

Sorry love, but i probably wont be in contact unless im hammered to shit.....or i run into u. which i dont wanna do. damn me.

on another note - i was having a pretty lenghty convo regarding poop via text w my sis the other day. and i know that might seem odd, but i think its good to talk about it. its not dirty. it's simply filtration man. God im tired of the whole girls dont poop shit. give me fucken break.

and i actually poop alot. in fact i try to poop everytime i go to the potty. I watch "you are what u eat" on BBc and i guess thats what made me so aware of how important it is to poop properly and eat right. You gotta poop guys.....u cant leave that shit all backed up yanno?

and i dont care where i am when i poop. the girls at work were having a discussion about that. and u know all of them were like "Ewwwww i wait till im home i would never do that anywhere else" ARE U KIDDING ME?

Frankly, if i gotta shit im gunna shit. if im not at home.....then ill shit quickly k? cuz i am not gunna be in pain and uncomfy for hours until i get home. thats redonk. If u smell my shit then go to another fucken bathroom. and if there isnt another one then smell it and love it. cuz thats what good shit is suppose to smell like. go tell everyone i fucken shit too, ill be right behind u to cheer u on. For fucks sake... when the hell did ladies become such crybabies. GEEZ. k im out

How long have u been shoppin here? did u notice the grapes were on sale?

Hola Lovies!

Unfortunately i don't really have much to report. I've just been chillen out, workin and then doin stuff on the weekends. Brian is doing night shifts for the nest week or so. i gotta tell u, it can't be easy. i feel so bad for him. He's been working 10-5am. i believe its been almost six years since i've slept by myself...can't say that i enjoy it :( but hey what can u do, it's work right?

This weekend we are going with the fam on the boat to Fire Island for the weekend. You know i've never gone there? i'm super excited. i know, i feel so out of the loop that i havent been there yet. But it's gunna be super fun. i'm looking forward to wearing my tankini gettin toasty and then clubbin at night. Sweet sweet.

Fam is in AZ. Starting to get use to the fact that when nicky starts textin me like whoa im usually falling asleep. it's still so odd for me to call at my lunch time thinking that they just got up to start the day. WEIRD. But im getting there.
i'm not as upset as i was about the travel either. Yes it's along flight, but once i get there we can do so many things. See the grand canyon, go to Vegas, and go to California. i honestly dont think that i would have ever gone to those places had they not moved. Blessing in disguise.

Ok....well im fresh outta words. ill ttysoon betches

i'll be right here lying in the hands of god.

All that seems to follow is sadness this month.
I could give two shits about the death of the celebs. Yes there’s been many in the past weeks, which is very odd… but its just been pouring when it comes to my loved ones.
My sister in law has been diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. The prognosis is good, they caught it in time. But she will have to go through Chemo. She just had her first treatment yesterday. As tough as it may be she’s been documenting this via facebook photos. I admire her courage, strength and humor. I don’t know what I would do or how I would feel if it had happened to me and I had two young children.
Although going through the chemo and such isn’t a great thing, I’m happy that she will be off from work for the summer. She’s a nurse and she was doing school and working her ass off. She really was running herself down. And I think this would be a good break for her. Yes she will be exhausted from chemo, but at least she can rest comfortably in her home with her kids and try to enjoy this beautiful weather. Thinking about what’s happening makes me start to cry. So ill end this update for now. Like I said, things are good. She is going strong, and I have nothing but love and positive vibes to send her way. I have no doubts. She will win this war.
Bri’s younger brother had to get a testicle removed. There was a large mass, so large that the doctors doubted that it was NOT cancerous. They couldn’t waste any time and it was removed last week. I know that this will be hard for him for awhile. But Brian’s been there with humorous words of encouragement, “At least your still alive. At least you’ve got ONE nut.” I couldn’t agree more.. I just hope that for right now there will be no other surprises.
I’m worried for Bri bc cancer seems to run in his family. Once he gets his medical I want him to get a complete checkup. Just so I won’t have to worry for the moment.
As for my side of the fam, They will be leaving me soon. They’ll be all the way on the other side of the country. There are times where I don’t want this to happen, but then I think about the opportunities for them. It seems like this will be a better fit. My mom is nervous and she needs me to tell her its gunna be ok right now. So I’ll wait until they are settled before I have my crying moment. Lol. I’m trying to think about the positives. A new place to visit. We can drive from there to Cali, which I think is awesome. Shes already got a job and found some really nice places to live. Bri’s Dad lives there so we will have his fam to visit. It’s all about the positivity.
Suing the owner of the parking lot for my broken foot. Sweet sweet. I know I might have bad luck at times, but it seems to always work out in my favor. Don’t ask man. I’m just thanking my lucky stars.
I’m doing half days with the boot right now. I tried to do the treadmill but it was too soon. When its too cold in my apt it hurts. Feels kinda like arthritis. It hurts in the morning for about a half hour and hurts when I come home from work. But I’m suppose to use it, so I’m sure it will be ok. probably just getting use to being used again.
All in all, this summer has been pretty bitchin thus far. Been spending time with friends I haven’t seen in a while and have made a few new ones. Every weekend seems to be booked. I had forgotten what it was like to have so much to do. Not complaining….im totally diggin it. Rock on.

I dont need writing on the wall. i felt it for so long.

Today was an O K kinda day at work. wasnt really busy, and everyone came in. Now thats what im fuckin talkin bout.

Tomorrow i will hopefully be told by my doctor that i no longer need this boot. Fantastic. if it's a go im getting a pedicure.

This weekend is my nephew's graduation party. The whole damn Butler family is going to be there. Plan on not hearing from me on sunday.

ummmm i hate washing dishes....cleaning...laundry. You know all that stuff. i thinki should have the option of NOT doing them.

im a loser and i now have run out of things to say. i disgust myself.

Last nite that party was pretty crazy.....

went out with the boys to stingers. Saw the eldest cousin out of the three that seems to somewhat like me. she came over and said hello. coolio i guess.

Brian's bandmate actually knows the other cousin for a little over a year. we filled him in. he actually went over and supposedly talked to her after we left last week. "I know u told me not to try but i had to. And yeaaahhhh basically she'll never get over it." Nice try hun. much appreciated, but not necessary. We already knew this. But i cant blame the guy for trying.

Apparently he told her we were getting married. Do you know she acted like she didnt know? PUUHHHLEEASSEEE. Her bff is a friend of mine on facebook. plus i visit a few people who have my cousins friends over.....and they're usually texting away once we walk in the door.

Does this really need to be so juvenile?
The best revenge=Happiness.

i'm fuckin happy. And i bet all these bitches are drinkin the haterade on it. Thats how it is. If they hate....they will never wanna see u happy. And will be pissed off if u are. Cuz all they want is to see u fall.....they'll wait forever if they can have that 5 seconds of pleasure.

Its actually quite sickening really. And lame. And thats all ill really say about it. i'm done.

So tomorrow is my shopping day YESSSSSS! Bri will be working. he knows about the ten dollar store. But what he doesnt know is that at old navy they are selling 2 dollar tank tops. So im thnking a trip to the mall is in order. SHHHHHHHHH. dont tell, ill slowly let him know. When i wear them muahahahahahahahahaa!!!! U CANT A STOP A BITCH WHEN SHES SHOPPIN YA HEARD????!!!!!

hehe bye :)

Remember all that she can say is that she knows she wants it.

New girl at the job. shes doing very well. we all get along with her. Shes 21 man....she makes me feel old even though im not.

Saw my cousin at the bar the other night. sometimes i felt as though she stood in certain spots just to see us. There wasn't any drama besides that, if u even wanna call that drama. more like awkwardness.

Why would she want to stare? Was she waiting for a moment of unhappiness to come across our faces? Or did she just want to torture herself? Perhaps curiosity? I really couldnt tell ya.

But she looked pretty. She really did. And im glad that i got to see her even though it was across the bar. I still hope that one day things could be ok. Maybe when the maturity settles in. or forgiveness rather.

God i am such a loser. The thing that will excite me most this weekend is getting some neeto sundresses i saw at the 10dollar store. The 10...dollar...store. And yes that may seem lame, but i swear to u they had some bitchin stuff...u just gotta look.

ok im out for now. hubbys comin home. laterrr

And all along, we knew we'd carry on. Just to belong.

I officially hate my job.

Everyone else just takes off whenever they want, leaving their leftover work to those who come everyday. Everyone there has admitted it, that i pick up more calls than anyone else.
i fix the mistakes of others. i never leave any work for anyone when i know im going to be out.

Truthfully, im tired of being taken advantage of. i believe there has been two seperate occasions where i ate lunch at my desk because i was the only one to show up. it's complete bullshit.

So i took off today. even though i took off both thursday and friday. They can figure out how it is without me. reliable me. And i hope that i pissed someone off.

i mean, after a year im tired of being yelled at by strangers. i'm tired of the inconsistency. There is no order to anything in that company and i find it hard that we have business. Because we suck.

i revised my resume again and have started emailing and will be faxing. the job offers out there dont seem really great....but a found a few. Hopefully i can start again.

I wish that they would just move me to another department but unfortunately im needed where i am. And that blows. i learn quick and im tired of the repitition. I told them that i wanted to grow with the company and that the reason i left my previous job was bc of the lack of progression. And now they are doing the same to me. I refuse to be in customer service the rest of my life. They dont pay me enough to be verbally abused on a daily basis.

I dont like going. i woke up today and though "nah...not going". I use to enjoy what i do. But since i have no help and since noone wants to move me ill have to just search. That place makes me miserable. its so unprofessional. I'm over it.

Other than that life has been ok. my momma left. miss her already. i had forgotten how much i enjoyed the company. She's down for whatever movie to watch, and she did my domestic duties. lol. it was nice to take her to the museum and the feast. i liked getting her all the food that we take for granted but she misses. I just miss my family. Not having them down the street can make things lonely sometimes. I dont really have anyone to run to when things get tough. if only i won the lotto....id just book flights. maybe even buy one of those little houses near by. that would be nice.

BTW im so ready for my foot to not be broken anymore. So annoying. later :)

Make room for the prey 'cause im comin in with what i wanna say. But it's gunna hurt and i love the pain. A breeding ground for hate but...

Oh man. it's just like "here comes the bad karma again. Eff me"
These days i prefer to be alone. Seems so odd, considering the fact that im addicted to cuddling.

I wish that i could do hurtful things to others sometimes. I just don't have the heart for it. i'll let it be, try to be the bigger one.
Being bigger stinks. It really does. Because when i think about my life and all the things that have happened....more often then not i feel like a doormat. I'm not being particular either. Just anything in my life thats happened. And then again i think that it's made me better. And that i don't think i could ever NOT forgive someone. I can't NOT try. I think that even though it kills me to want to love/befriend/ work things out with pretty much anyone...i appreciate it just as much. i can't even really describe it. it's love hate, i get pissed and then i get happy. im a fuckin train wreck. so sue me.

speaking of, i'm doing that again. only this time to whomever owns the parking lot. Eh, everyone kept telling me to and i just felt silly about it. Whatever, i called my lawyer and he wanted to persue it. So i guess....im the insurance business's worst nightmare lol. I dont know man, we'll see.

I think my lawyer has a crush on me. i shit u not. Everytime i speak with him he always manages to sneak into the convo that he finds me attractive. just puttin it out there. im flattered but creeped out at the same time. Well....he's actually not cute so....more creeped out. Boo for me.

I love my friends at work. Louis and Brandy. Brandy is having a baby. she's my boo. We've been friends since i started there. We just got along like that. And louis has been in the US for about a year. He knows so many languages it's insane. He fought in serbia when he was 15 and has been all over the damn world. His mom is some famous spanish singer. Puerto rican maybe?He got married at 17, divorced two years later and has two kids. One adopted and one from the marriage. He's just very colorful lol. They are just both hilarious. when im not crazy busy they make that hellhole fun.

My foot is doing good. Still looks like someone threw up on it. But healing. I have this sweet boot that has that circular air pump. COME ON, remember in the 90s they had those sneakers with the little circle on the tongue so that you could pump air in it!!?? YEAH i can do that and it really does inflate. i gotta tell ya, the only regret i have is not breaking both feet so i could have two sweet boots. Man o man is it awesome.

my mother is coming this weekend. We have some stuff planned. should be fun.
Boat wedding the weekend she leaves though. FA BOOSH
k im done. later

The cheese stands alone

Yup...the cheese stands alone. i am the cheese.

even the closest dissappoint. And when the dissapointments come, doubt follows.

You just can't depend on anyone i suppose.

i'm number one right? gotta look out for number one

and number one thinks u r full of shit.

Mute it to a whisper

EYYYYYOOOOOOOHHHH

Hey stranger. It's been awhile. Here's an update:

Got a 95 honda for a lil bit of money. it's awesome runs good. no problems yet. I actually saved money from buying this car. i was prepared to spend more than i did. SAWEEEET. Kudos to thompsen and his car finding skills at the last possible second.

We bought our wedding bands. now i suppose i should get the other planning started. Still shooting for May of 2010. i know i should be excited about planning....but im the type of gal that likes things done for her. i was thinking about doing it in a backyard to save money but i think im going to have to double check that. there would be alot of stuff i would have to do myself and it could potentially be more costly than a hall. so im gunna have to start making phone calls now and figuring it out. Well not me....but my mom. i have to make her start to go things for me. she'll be a planner for me :p

on another note:

Lately i've been feelin sad. in all honesty, the only people who seem to have the desire to talk to me is my fam and fiance. It's hurtful.

and i know, i shouldn't beat myself up over what defines me as a person. I know that in my heart i am genuine. i am a good person. I guess that the distance makes me take it personally.
i'm paranoid, or im right. Who knows really.

i can make all sorts of excuses for it. But i should just keep movin on. i've got the future on my mind. i've been frugal with all my money. i should treat myself but i need to save. i wanna get married. i would like to move out of state. i just can't live like this if i wanna have kids. i feel as though i'm merely here to get more experience before i move.

Remember how close we all were when we were young? everyone knew everyone's business. and it was "so drama". So annoying right? And now sometimes.....all i want is to know every part of it. Instead of us all hanging out to the point of irritation.......I feel like we dont know eachother anymore. i know that sounded dramatic. but i mean the little things. They seem so far away now dont they? I guess this is life...finding our paths. everyones still connected but its just different.

i cant believe im saying this, but i would totally go back to being a punk kid if i could. just for a day. but i would totally do it. it was kinda fun.

omg....i think that im having cuddling withdrawals..... yes....that explains this rant. God...i need cuddling. i need friends lol.

I got tha deuce deuce in the trunk of my car....oh yeahhh

So this month has been.....bipolar for me. My love got laid off and my car is useless. But then again, we settled my case and now im getting some money.
Seriously, at 25....i dont think i've ever had this amount of money in my hands before. How sad is that? andddddddd im gunna use some of it to buy a nice car. I've never ever had a decent car yet. Thats gunna be pretty neeto. But also....very sad. Right....at 25 is that sad to say?? cuz when i read this i think "shitttt...this bitch is sad. And broke." lol
But you know besides those thoughts i think this rocks. there are alot of things that I need that i can get done now. i've got alot on my plate and i just can't wait. i want them all done at once. im not a patient person. i'm a brat.
Goodygoody gumdrops

Bridges are burnin, baby im learnin

Yeah i did. Now she wont stop calling. But she's a big sack of crazy and i think we are gunna stay away from that mess now. its just too much. Honestly she reminds me of me when i was drugged up all the time. Although she is not drugged up all the time....shes a mom...when i see her she is and i dont like how i feel when i do.
I think.....oh my god.....is that how everyone use to see me? its aweful...it saddens me. and i just dont think shes a good person to be around.
She basically looks for the better deal. she dates millionaires who use and abuse her. the father of her child is married and 53 years old.
so.....yeah im not really happy about what happened. i feel kinda skanky now that i know her. ugh.
my car broke down....brian's boss decided to go skiing and left him with no work. so we have no money. he worked for pete and got some to fix the car and a little bit to get food but....i dont know. i'm starting to rethink everything.

what if we had a kid? i would have to worry about how we would survive bc his job is unstable?
we ended up getting into a huge fight. he told me to leave. And i was like "look im not the one who would have a problem being on my own, i could leave right now and be ok. i get a paycheck, i get medical. you have nothing"

he thinks that everything that i say automatically turns into "no matter what hes not good enough."

listen....we've come a long way. im happy with what we have. but im not happy because i can't live with the fact that there are no guarantees with his job. the number one cause of arguments is money. and if this is the beginning of our future....then iam uncertain as to wether i will stick around.

yes i will cut him some slack with the economy and all, but if i dont think he's really trying to improve himself i might go. i know what i want. i want to start a new chapter. i mean....i really want kids.....i wanna stay at home with them even if its only for a year or two. and with whats going on right now i dont see any of that. and that makes me angry...and sad. it really depresses me. i resent him for not being as educated in a different, more reliable field. i resent him for not wanting more for himself. for not realizing that im unhappy with these things. For not realizing that if i have to make that decision i will as much as i dont want to. im just sad. im trying to hang in there because i know that times are shitty.

i just pray that things get better soon.

Your words don't stick. I ain't perfect, but you aint either.

OOOOHHHHHH geez. Why do i get into these things why?

So last week we went to happy hour. Mind you, i have not been out of the house for about a month or so because of bills and such so this was our "Woohoo" night out for the week. So i go and what do i drink? vodka. And vodka ALWAYS gets me in trouble, which is why i usually stay away from it. But by this time the cable and internet was shut off and i was just hvaing the shittiest week ever so i was in more of those "fuck it" moods. so whatever we go and we know the bartenders well so Vuke (bartnder) kept making me this pink leomade shit that was so tasty but 90 percent vodka. There was this really hot looking lady. Blonde hair, nice body clothes and makeup. it was on. So i tell Brian "im gunna get that girl and take her home you just watch." and yeah apparently i succeeded. Bottom line is this: i dont know her name, and i only remember two seconds of it which i will not describe. Now i know that when i get drunk im an instant lesbo, which is totally fine. But im embarrassed because i dont really know if i was good at whatever it was that we did. was i mean to her? what did i say and do? i dont regret it, i just wish i were more responsible. thats all.

And im super pissed because i cant find my bra. It was my fave. Damnit.

When i had told my friend thomas a few days ago he was like "WELL, happy birthday to YOU"

I mean u gotta laugh at it. It's so typical of me to get into a situation like that. I don't even know the girls name. Thats pretty funny.

i'm such a whore. and i love it :p

I'm like the ring leader, I call the shots.

OK so i have today off and it is sweet and all......but im really bored. by 1:30pm i have already cleaned and did the laundry. The place looks great but i am bored out of my skull.

i tried watching "Mad Money" but that blew.

"confessions of a teen idol" is the LAMEST excuse for a show i have ever seen. I am officially disgusted with TV today.

Can you over clean your jewelry?? because i think i've cleaned my ring a bagillion times today alone. i'm having OCD issues with it and i never think it's clean enough.

I love Britney. Shattered glass and Unusual you are my favs.

I'm going to the gym later today and i am sooooo ready to get back to it. Thats just how boring my life is. To have to exersize to fill up my boredom is sad. Healthy but sad.

My yearly umcomfortable vag appointment is this week. I look forward to this every year. Who doesn't love spreading it on a cold examintaion table while getting proded with multiple instruments? i especially love the free breast exam. If anyone ever tells you they hate getting their boobs massaged they are lying through their teeth man. Fo real.

I'm turn 25 soon. Very soon. Im ok with it, but not ok with it. Does that make any sense?

ok im done, no more bloggin about my boredom today. Lata Betch.

When I come back, you'll be the brightest star in the black.

I gotta tell you, this economy has caused me such anxiety. it's craziness.

I just would like to know when the will be giving a bailout to all middle class, hard working people. Becauseeeee yeah...we really need it too.

I'm bitching because i am now getting garnished at my job for a loan i couldnt afford to pay. Yeah man! i can't fucking afford to pay it so i just stopped. I need to eat, i need a roof over my head. And im sorry but thats the most important thing. I'm number one, baby. So go suck it. I think im most annoyed at the time i received the message. They notified my job on the 8th and they let me know the week of my payday on the 12th. WTF? it would have been nice if i had gotten the message earlier. a frikken warning would have been nice since im paying rent that week. Neither of us can get an advance if we really needed it because SHOCKER...noone has money to lend.

Yes, i know that it is my fault. i was neglectful. i didnt even call to say that things were tight. i just ran from it. So i am more mad at myself at this point. it could have been handled better. But im just irritated at the fact that there is no help these days. As comforting as it is to know that im not the only one in this boat, i need to make it to shore. i know that the big businesses need to thrive but....doesn't it start with us too?

I'm getting more anxious about my settlement. They are in talks now and we will probably find out how much i will get in the next couple of weeks. i just want to get rid of my debt asap. I know that once that is taken care of i will be truly happy. i will have afresh start. plus Brian will marry me. lol yeah i know he proposed but he told me he wont marry me until i get rid of it. And its really just something i have to do. i need to build my credit and think about the future. we both want a house and kids and that can't really happen if i have shitty credit. So thats priority number one. And then a nice car with low mileage. If those are the only things i can afford thats fine.

My pipedream of an awesome wedding is through. i have been looking around at packages and such but it's just ridiculous. Like, i know that weddings are a big moment in ones life. But i would rather buy a bunch of necessary shiz with 10,000 bucks than have a really fancy 5 hour party.

I've got a crafty bunch of fam and friends who can help with decorations. I found this nice lady about my age at work who makes party favors and offered to make mine if i needed someone. i know a photographer. Brian knows a deacon. It's just gunna be much cheaper if i just get everyone to help. And i honestly think that it would mean much more too.

So yeah, theres alot to look forward to. Alot of stuff on my list that I need to check off. I'm so impatient....i want it all right now! lol

One step at a time

Forever young, I want to be forever young.

Holy moley its been a bit eh? i just read my last blog and was like "wow that was so long ago...wow i write pretty well." lol time goes by so quickly these days.

Work is good. i've finally settled into it and no longer tolerate bs from clients. i'm pretty surprised that i got through it. It was culture shock for me i suppose, but now i'm good. I also should realize that at the beginning the company was just starting ro grow again. We just got this new computer system that doesnt really have the kinks worked out so there was alot of frustration with the clients and ourselves. But its been a work in progress and honestly its gotten much better. Of course we will continue to bitch so long as glitches exist, but its gotten alot easier. I actually enjoy it...a little :p

Brian proposed to me on christmas, so it's official. I know finally right? I'm really happy. I can't wait to be a wife. I'm just really content, really excited. And im gunna hang on to that high for a little while.

As for life after work? i havent really done much of anything. I cook, clean, watch tv, sleep. My only "Hoorah" is going to happy hour and getting drunk on a friday if we have the cash. I dont mind it though at all. i like relaxing in my home yanno? with the way the economy is today i cant afford to do shit. I work to survive and i just make it by. it sucks but everything gets better with time. it always does. life can't be just one smooth ride right?

Ok well im sleepy....yes i know its almost 9. i'm an old fart. love it. im off to the couch. lataaaa