The more things change, the more things stay the same.

I wonder if ill ever get a sober phone call from you. i guess i should be thankful that you only sounded buzzed today. I'm not mad at you nor do i hate you. But i hope you know that your missing out on our lives. I wonder if that even concerns you. Because i miss you. Shit....you just have no idea how much i miss you. The phone calls are shorter each time. with you being the one to always cut it short. i have the time....so why not let us share it for awhile and talk about life? truth is....i have so much to say that i want you to know, that i want u to react to....but u dont make the time. And it hurts me. you cried when i got engaged...and now i have to remind u each phone call when im getting married....and hope that youll even show. and thats even if you give me the time to remind you. I dont think that its alot to ask.....to just seem somewhat intersted in whats going on. I miss you.....or the old you.......the you before you moved away. Please come back.

Just danceee gunna be ok!

Afternoon sluts, ok so i think i need to tell my sponser to back off a bit. i understand that they are there to support me. but this whole program kinda feels more like an obligation more than anything else. shes not being too pushy....but the things she says r just so robotic. i totally get her though. shes been in the program for a longggg time so alot of stuff is memorized. and i understand that this is a pretty big chunk of her life. she really wants to just help people. but the way she does it....its just too much. i dont have all this free time to do AA stuff. thats why i just do the meetings. like ive said before its to keep me focus and have support. in between that im gyming it up and planning my wedding. im in full plan mode right now and i still have so much to do. and besides that we might be moving in the middle of all this. i dont have the time to read passages or have half an hour discussions. this program is not my life. im not half as bad as most that are there. i'm not going to fall off. im good. its been a month and a half now. im proud of myself and im going to continue to stay focused on being healthy. and reading passages and doing all this other stuff outside of the meetings is more like hw to me. if i wanted that id be back in school. so i guess ill have to talk to her and see how that goes... theres just so much good stuff coming my way its nuts. we have enough to pay for this wedding ourselves which is a miracle in itself. brian is doing alot of sidejobs to get extra cash, and was offered first looks at an apt in long beach. i want it already and i havent even seen it yet. i just want an actual apt. im done w renting in houses. if we take this place ill be at the beach all summer im already excited about it. hes going to be doing side work in that apt as well so he will get to see it before me and let me know if its worth it. the price is just redonk. its a damn steal and its all bc of who ya know. i def feel lucky right now in my life. not saying that its always this rosey...there are bumps ahead all the time. but right now things are falling into place nicely and i couldnt be happier. i have money to have a decent reception....a man who tells me almost everyday that he can't wait to marry me....and im happy...im happy without a drink. im not having a difficult time w it. now all i need is to win lotto. or get a better car :p