Wow.....2011....lol I have not been on in a long time. So much has happened since then. Its crazy looking back, how quickly things change. How much you change.
I guess we will connect the dots and follow up from the last post. My father never came to my wedding. He was in fact very ill and we almost lost him a few times. I married on 9/10/11 and we ended up visiting him I believe around November that year.
In a way it was better off. I moved out of our apartment in May the following year. I only enjoyed my wedding for four days before I received message from a younger girl, letting me know that she was in a relationship with my husband on and off for the past two years. The last time seeing him being August. Right before our wedding. I knew all along....im not going to pretend that I had no inkling. looking back on it the flags were very obvious. And I kept wearing my rose colored glasses thinking it will get better. He will man up and see what its all suppose to really be like. I don't know why I thought that....what a stupid girl. I was so sheltered and in denial about everything.
Why it took me months to leave? I played detective to the best of my ability. It was tough bc I'm not a good hacker. I cant figure out passwords for shit. The only thing I had were phone numbers I could call. And that never seemed to disappoint. One night he was so drunk he fell asleep w his hands on the phone. Stupid fuck. I don't know why I was so upset at what I found. I knew it was there. But I guess seeing it just made it heartbreaking.
To never feel good enough for someone who surrounded your world, is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. To be put second instead of first. Why did it take so long for me to wake up? I think that is what pissed me off the most. It was doomed the moment it started. But I learned a lot from it. I guess I can be thankful for that. I am a lot stronger than I was before.
I have met someone new who is fantastic. But a lot of what I believed in before is gone. I feel like I still have a wall up. which isn't necessarily a bad thing. In time it has gone done. But really just brick by brick. Its going to take me awhile and I feel sorry that this time around I cannot give what I put into my previous relationship. This guy deserves what my ex got. Its a shame.
On a positive note, I feel like I am finally living. And that time being with my ex seems so long ago. Isnt that strange? it feels like another time. Kind of like it never really happened. So odd.
I look forward to what will happen next. Not knowing use to scare me and now going with it seems less stressful than trying to plan. I am happy, but not fully to where I would like to be. Hopefully in time I will. Made a lot of good friends and kept a few loyal ones. I feel good. I feel like myself again. My father is ok. My family is there to support me. I am in a really good place. I only move forward. No going back.
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