Sup bitchessss! So I think im going to try to blog more this time around. looks like the blog flow hasnt been that great these past couple years. I actually started to read some of the past ones. What a witty fuck I was! I mean im still funny but its a more mature kind of funny....looks like the old me was a cracked out fun kind of funny. wish I could get that back.
All the previous blogs have made me realize a lot of shit. I still struggle with the same exact demons I do now- dieting and alcohol and drug addiction boococky. seems like the only thing that isn't present today is my efforts in a failing relationship. So that's one stress gone. Like meatloaf once said "two out of three aint bad"...although for me its three out of four. Whatever bro.
Who knew those cartoons would be true. The ones where u have the angel and the devil on each shoulder trying to tell you what to. Its like that every damn day.
Yes, you have to get up and go to work. Don't eat too much! youll get fat! No, you cannot drink excessively. No, you cant pop pills with it either. Color in the lines! stay Focused! everyday is a balancing act. And im always worried it will all crash down.
At least I don't have as much anxiety as I use to. Not many breakdowns. I try to not blow up and try to rationalize. Still gets hard. I don't know why I cant move past these issues that seem to have been following me for a long time. I honestly didn't realize it until I started reading it all. When will I find some kind of peace within? probably when im dead. lucky me.
my boyfriend thinks that I am too hard on myself. But he doesn't know how it could b if I let it all go. You get use to not giving a fuck. You like it so much it makes u selfish and then u lose people. and yourself. He has had past drug problems, so I feel like he has to understand it somewhat. Then again his attitude is different from mine. Whats in the past is in the past and today is a new day. And I agree. But I cant go throwing my past in the trash that easy.
I need to remind myself to b good. its just something that I have to do. ok. enough of this. bitch be like whoa is me. shit is boring.
Im trying to be more like a lady. getting my fashion on. its work in progess. It first started w my makeup and now moved onto clothes. needed ALOT of help with the clothes. still do but I bought a bunch of shit that should last me for awhile. im having trouble walking in shoes but I will break them in. im not quittin this! winna winna chicken dinna!
Work blows. same shit all the time. Nothing new with that.
I really like that new lady gaga and r Kelly song. Still not happy that he pees on young girls before coitus...then again nobodys perfect.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
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