I beg your pardon...I never promised you a rose garden

Hey guys and dolls. Lots of good things coming ‘round I must say. Finally some decent luck.

We got the paint for the rooms yesterday and I’m just smitten as heck about it. We are gunna paint tonight. I decided last night that we were going to paint only three out of the four rooms for right now. I like the color of the living room and it’s pretty clean so I figured if anything we can wait to paint that room for another weekend or so. We are also going to rent a steam cleaner for the carpet because the people before us made it look like such shit.

Can I ask you all something? If your renting, wouldn’t you try to clean your spillage on the carpet? It’s obviously not yours. It is but temporarily. My point is that this stuff isn’t yours and if you were a decent person you would treat those items with respect. Yes in time things happen that cannot be fully fixed, but making the effort is just something that comes naturally. At least for me. I’ve been constantly cleaning my old apartment during this whole thing. Because in my opinion you should try to make it look the way it did when you first moved in. But these people left everything filthy. The shower is in no way usable right now. The carpets have chocolate stains all over. It’s either in dribbles or in big stains. It’s annoying to me because it’s clearly shown that they didn’t even try. Dribble stains people! Who just spills something and leaves it there? I just don’t get it. They could have at least done that for us. Whatever.

I’m the end I know it’s going to look like a million bucks. All the money I just spent on this stuff is gunna make it all worth it. Everything will be nice and clean. Just the way I like it.

A little tid bit for today. Brian called me up and said that he was working on the house Sean and Gina use to live in. That was the house behinds his father’s. Anyways he was chatting with Sean’s father and we come to find out that he is married and has a daughter. Wow man, how time changes things. Seans a dad. That’s great. I also had him ask how AJ was and he’s now a cop in the city. He became a cop just like his dad. I gotta say, I’m just happy that everyone is doing well. They were both really good guys. It’s pretty crazy how things use to be. Him being with Gina was horrible. Both of them were going nowhere and now look at them both. It just makes me smile. Apparently Sean’s dad Told Brian I was the only one he really liked and would love a visit. He said that Sean and his family come by every Sunday for a BBQ and that if we wanted to come by we could. Really nice man. What a good day. I would like to take him up on that, but probably not until we get settled. It would be good to see him. I’m curious to see his spawn lol.


I finally have time to hall my ass to the gym. I haven’t gone this week at all and it shows. I ate like a frikken pig when I went camping. No good at all. I have to go at least today and tomorrow. Ugh. Later bitches.

crafty like ice is cold

Hey hey! Hope everyone got plenty of rest from the three day weekend. Although I didn’t get as much as I would have liked, I still have a good time.

Camping was ok. Like I said, I’m not really a camper so I wasn’t super excited to go. But I managed. Shannon chatted with me like nothing had ever existed, which I find amusing. But whatever, it’s a family trip and I wouldn’t have had a good time if she ignored me like the last get together. Everyone’s family came, including Brian’s mother and brother. Lots of food and laughs. The only thing I hated was the climate change. We literally held onto each other for dear life in our sleep to keep warm. We even had five or so blankets and that didn’t help. So by Monday I really just wanted to head home to a warm bed and have an uninterrupted sleep. We left around 11:30 or so and got home around 4:30ish. Yeah man, I hate long rides. I got really bad sunburn too. Yikes.

I also really enjoyed the lack of phone reception. I never realized how many people call me. It was pretty awesome. People call me all the time to see what’s up ya know? and I do nothing crazy to talk about so I’d rather not pick up at all. So I guess I wish I could have brought that back with me lol. All in all, it was pretty tops. Now I’m back at work where it’s hella busy. It’s weird really, how when your home you want to work because your bored and when your at work you wanna be home. Never satisfied I tell ya. I think that if I could just win the lotto things would be awesome.

We also picked out colors for the apt. yesterday. We are hoping to get that started tomorrow. The sooner the better. We need to have it done before the furniture gets in. it’s just easier. I’m frikken excited! Every time I go there I can’t believe how awesome it is. I’m just so use to being underground. This place is just too good to be true. Only this time it’s a keeper. I think it’s gunna look so much better once it’s cleaned and painted. Love it.

I just want it done man….i wanna relax! Lata

Yeah im crazy but i get the job done.

Ok very quick update.

They are renting a car and going to meet us all there on Saturday rather than today. I guess god doesn’t hate me as much as I thought.

Got my car fixed for the trip. I misplaced the assembly instructions for our tent so now we have to figure it out when we get there. I’m leaving at three so we can be there by dinner time and get going with putting that shit up. I am pretty excited now that we are on the cusp. Haha…I said cusp. Im so smart.

Moving in Sunday of next week but will be installing the oven and painting every room before we get in.

Went back to PT and have a new Doc. He’s really cool, a smart ass like myself. It’s working out lovely. And u know what? Even though im going to the gym he still says my leg muscles are weak. BOO…he should have seen them beforehand then lol.

I’m in a great frikken mood. I have no idea why but I hope it stays. Hope y’all have a good weekend! Happy memorial day!!! Woot woot!

Nobody cries...only butterflies

I gotta say, god LOVES to test my patience. But at this point, all I can do is laugh. It’s just too funny.

So supposedly John is a big fuck up and can’t use his car on the trip to the camp ground. So guess who’s carpooling? I know, don’t you just wanna die? I was like r u kidding me? lol this ride should be pretty interesting at best. At this point I’m not uncomfortable in the slightest. She’s the one who couldn’t even look at me. I’m guessing that most of the trip will be in silence unless John is in the mood to chat away. I don’t care if they are coming with us…just as long as I’m in the front. Seriously all I can do is laugh. It just figures. I won’t fail this test G man…u just wait and see. I’m done with being a brat. I’ll be on my best behavior.

So we are starting to slowly move our stuff into the apt. We met the tenants upstairs. They seem cool. The guy plays base so there u go. We got it in the bag. I had forgotten how awesome and big the place is until I went back. We’ve decided that we are gunna repaint the whole place. Besides the fact that the people before left the place filthy, it would just be nice to start off fresh and clean. Some of the colors are just awful. I’ve got moss green in my kitchen. Ewww. Yeah no. So next weekend we are going to take the whole day to paint and clean. He got us a new oven so we offered to pick that up and hook it up. He got us a new door and I gotta say besides looking secure, it’s gorgeous. I really cannot wait to have a housewarming. You guys will deffinately approve once it’s all spiffed up. The only problem I have is that there is no storage. No extra closets besides one that we have to share. It’s not tiny but I just don’t know where most of our shit is gunna go. So I’ve decided that maybe I just need to throw out stuff that I don’t need. I’ve already emptied out three boxes of uselessness. I feel kinda good doing that. Just having this clean slate feeling is pretty fab. So we’re on our way. Yessssss

My lawyer also won my battle for getting more free pt. I get twice a week for 6 more weeks. I think that’s great, because now we can focus more on my knee. And it still hurts by the way. Whenever I go to the gym i’m always limping a little after. And it’s still has slight bruising. Pretty fucked up right? I didn’t realize how injured I am until I started going back and taking classes. Like if I jump around I feel it right in my knee cap. It’s crazy. But anyways I need the documentation for my case. I had initially spent more time on the back. But now that it seems to be ok I wanna really work at getting my knee better.

Other than that, it’s been super busy at work. Andy G is retiring which means Rocco will be going to the main building. We have a new guy here but he has no experience. He’s getting there, we’ve only been training him for a week or so. Either way, Rocco is going to talk to the owners to see if they will give me more money because now I will be working with the new guy and not under him. I’m basically teaching him all my shit from scratch and my position is more valuable now. If I’m gone they’ll be totally lost. So I’m happy that he’s gunna do that. I hope I get what I initially asked for. I’ll find out next month. Wish me luck. Lataaaaa

Scooby dooby do...where r u

Hi guyz. Yeah yesterday was a pretty sucky day. I’m a little bit better today I guess.

I suppose I just have to focus on the positive. We will be seeing Brian’s mom and PJ. And I guess it’s gunna be funny to watch all the adults get drunk later on. Hopefully some will fall or something comical like that. I know with Matt, that shit it inevitable. He’s quite the drinker.

Apparently my nana can tell that something’s wrong. She had spoken with my mother yesterday wondering what was going on. God forbid I’m human and have feelings. I don’t know why it’s so hard for some to understand when I’m feeling blue. Am I just here for bubbly entertainment? Sometimes I truly think so.

I can’t help it that I’m finally realizing that being an adult blows. I’m constantly checking the funds. I’m concerned with the fact that instead of moving things in early like we were suppose to, I now have to go on a camping trip that I’m not so keen on. And I can’t help that because of all the family get together’s that have been happening lately that I’m just not as jolly as I use to be. I don’t feel apart of the group anymore. I guess because of this Shannon shit I’ve been distancing myself. I know that they all love me and want me to be there. But when I am there, I’m really not. I’m in a separate room, and I don’t feel like I have much to say. Everyone’s always asking what’s new, and there is nothing. My life is boring. The only thing I do is go to pt and the gym. I don’t have money to really go out. There’s just nothing to say. And I guess because I’m not chit chatting away, there must be something wrong with me.

Pete got upset because on my way out to go to the grad party on Sunday I had apparently brushed him off and didn’t say hello, or goodbye or a kiss. At this point I’m just like “God r u kidding me?” I went downstairs to do my hair, came back up to say quick goodbyes because I just wanted out of there. I complimented him on the meal, I spoke with him. And now he thinks I don’t like him. And of course I can’t fully explain why I just wanted to leave. I told Irene I feel uncomfortable being around Shannon and I just wanted to get out of there. I explained the whole thing. And she was like “No I know, I told him he was just being too sensitive.”

Seriously… my family does not cause this much BS. I know I use to think my family sucked, but now I’m reconsidering it. I know we’re petty…but we’re not this petty are we? I think that the reason I’m feeling this way is because I just wanna get out of living under the family’s roof. I just want to start anew without dealing with anyone u know? I like his family…I really do…but I think space is needed.

I know I told Brian I was really gunna try to have fun on this trip. But I don’t think that’s really gunna happen. But hey…I’m a fuckin puppet. Slap on a fake smile and I’m good. Add some beer to that and I’ll be frikken jolly as santa.

Look im just stressed. Gimme a break.

Beware criminal

So Brian’s brother Richie is moving to Arizona on Wednesday. Sunday we had a big dinner for him and all family and friends came. This included Shannon and the kids. What ever. I swear, this whole situation makes me mad as heck. I can’t seem to really get over it.

She couldn’t even look at me. Well good bitch you shouldn’t. You got fuckin caught. And no one knows about what happened still, because when Reenie tried talking to me about her I was like “ I don’t know, we don’t talk anymore.” She said “Oh yeah that’s right, didn’t she say something about you disappointing her?” I think I remember what scenario she’s talking about, but either way I just let her think that was why. I mean this whole thing is fuckin bullshit. If no one really knows what happened that means John doesn’t know either. And I’m just fuckin pissed that I have to keep my mouth shut about it. It’s not right. And Brian can say or think whatever he wants. But honestly sometimes I think it’s been going on for awhile and I just didn’t see it. Maybe he always ignored it, or maybe he was responding. I wish I knew for sure.

What makes me suspicious is that he’ll make the argument of it being sent to him by accident. R u kidding me? Because she sent not one, but four messages. It was a god damn conversation. Do they think I’m an idiot? Please. Then he said maybe it’s because her and John were having problems. A possibility yes, But that shit never happened when they had problems before.

I understand that she does nothing during the day, that she doesn’t really have many friends. And John is working all the time. She’s lonely I get that. But to do this….i just don’t see a valid reason. Ever since I let her know that I saw what was going on he hasn’t been getting many text messages since. That seems kinda weird. See what I mean?

But then I’ve got to think that he would never do that to his brother. That maybe he didn’t want to say anything because it will cause a lot of problems that involve him. He doesn’t want to fight with John. I don’t think he’s attracted to her. I don’t think anything is going on really. But like I said, I think he’s trying to make it less of an ordeal. And I’m sorry but that shit don’t fly with me. At one point I was considering making amends, because I’m sure this is pretty uncomfortable for everyone. Hell I feel the tension. But after yesterday I just don’t even have the desire. Seeing that she can’t even make eye contact shows me she knows she was wrong. She doesn’t want confrontation and she won’t start anything because she knows I won’t hold back anything. I don’t fuckin care how mad she is, or how fucked up she thinks it is that I don’t want her talking to him. Yes, I shouldn’t have looked in his phone. But in the end I feel it was meant to be. I was meant to see the shit she pulls. Because she would have acted the same to me, all friendly and what not. Also, who knows how long it would have been going on. How long would he have let it go? Would he have told her to stop? I wanna say yes. And it’s sad that I can’t be sure of it. It’s like I know, but I don’t know.

And now we’re going frikken camping this weekend coming up. All the family is going and his mom and pj are gunna visit. Matt offered to pay for us so that we could go. He said the next time we all get together like this will probably be a long time from now. So whatever, now I’ve gotta spend the whole weekend and watch these people get shit faced and have a good time like nothings wrong. I’ve honestly been acting differently since this shit. Not just if Shannon’s around, but just in general. I don’t like drinking with the family because I’m sure something would happen so I just drink soda. I’m just not feelin the family togetherness I use to feel. So no, this won’t be enjoyable for me. I’ll most likely be in bed early the whole time. I’m sorry I can’t pretend that I’m fuckin happy to be there. I’m not gunna act like every thing’s ok. It’s not and it won’t be until everyone’s honest with one another. I’m cranky today. I really am and I apologize for it. This just blows for me. I’m not in the mood to go camping, and I’m deffinitley not in the mood to be camping with them. The one day off from work I get I have to spend it with others that bother the crap out of me. Fan frikken tastic.

Everybody's workin for the weekend

It is officially the end of the world…I am now a three beer queer. I’m so sad.

These past couple days we’ve been going out and having some drinks. CJ plays almost every damn night with his cover band so we usually go to see them for a bit. If not, we’ve been going with Al to Effin Groovin.

What I’ve noticed is that after three drinks I’m already woozy as heck. What the hell happened to me? I’m blaming it on the new diet. I eat a lot more salads and I get full much quicker. I’ve also noticed that my rings are looser as well. So I’m thinking because I eat less and weigh less it’s hitting me much quicker than it use to. And I’m ok with it. At Effin Groovin the other day, Brian was drinking faster than I was. What a change huh? He was like “Look baby I’m drinking faster than you, catch up.” And I’m like “Yeah I know, I’m trying …but I’m sooo full.” Lol

Yesterday when Brian went to hug me and picked me up he said I felt lighter and he could see the difference. I’m glad he does because I can’t really tell yet. I can see slight changes in my body. Like I said my rings fit comfortably again, and when I wear a t shirt my muffin top doesn’t seem to protrude as much lol. So I’m happy. I’m starting to get to the point where I no longer wear my boyfriend’s t shirts in order to feel comfortable. I doubt that I’ll be bikini ready, but tankini is fine with me. I’ve been going three times a week. Just gotta keep on keeping on. I don’t really wanna do what I did last time with synergy, which was going all the damn time. I went every single day and did classes plus weights. As much as I enjoyed that body, I just don’t feel like completely committing to the gym. Whatever works man.

I guess that’s all for now. More in the future. lataaaa

Y-O-U-R makin this hard

Ok I’ve got lots and lots of updating to do. I’m slackin big time.

We have found another apartment. It happens to be across the street from my old elementary school, so I kind of feel safe in that area. I mean, it’s right there with the shopping center and about 10 blocks away from my old house. Plus it’s cheaper too.

It’s in one of those double ranch houses where the basement is the first floor. Its got a big living room, bathroom, and bedroom. The only thing that lacks space is the kitchen. You take this hallway down and to the right and the kitchen is there. But I find it to have a lot more space than the kitchen we have now so I’m not really disappointed with it. It just needs to be repainted. But we also have access to the laundry room so it totally saves us money. We’re spending a lot less as a whole with this one, so I’m pretty happy with that. The couple that is occupying the place right now are suppose to be out by the 18th, so the owner said we could start moving things in if we wanted. Sounds good to me. I’m starting to go crazy with all the clutter. I just want this to be over with at this point.

The owner of this house is a cop. And he frikken acts like it too. He doesn’t really seem to trust us and I’m guessing he won’t until the check clears. We tried to reassure him by telling of the people we know and what not. We also told him we would give him a list of references and our job numbers. Now, if you give all that stuff to someone it should show some kind of honesty wouldn’t it? But we’re telling him and he’s like “Well that’s great, but then again how am I suppose to know?” So at that point I was just like “Well we wont’ give them to you if you don’t want them, I’m just saying we’ll show you some pay stubs and give you some numbers so you can call if you want. It’s up to you. Here’s the check.” It’s just like come on….is it really this difficult to find a place? I understand that the people he had living there were there for four years. This is a new thing for him and people these days are shady as shit. But come on man… we’re giving you everything you need as well as more than we should to show you that we are good tenants. I’m telling this guy that my old house was down the street and that this was my elementary school. I swear, frikken cops. The best part about this is that I don’t have to deal with him on a daily basis. He lives somewhere else, I believe in long beach. The only people we will have to deal with are the ones upstairs. I’m not worried in the slightest. We are never home and when we are we just watch TV. If there is any company it’s on the weekends but we mostly are out ya know? I’m not sure if he thinks we’re gunna be partying it up or what. But I’m gunna get really annoyed if he still acts this way when we move in.

Ugh. I’m stressed to shit man. I just want this to go smoothly. I’m not in the mood for skepticism. Just gimme the keys and lets go. I’ve been patient long enough.